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  1. Milo Cronos

    Milo Cronos The Sexual Intellectual

    Joined:
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    Sex is beautifully complicated with an abundance of natural emotions intertwined within it's seemingly simple facade. Most of us are not fools and understand that sex produces an array of emotional bonds, simplistic in one night affairs and deep rather complex ones in a long term relationship.

    Yet when sex breaks down between one or another in a relationship it's treated as if it's inconsequential and many times flagrantly dismissed as if it's nothing to be concerned about even when the other is obviously hurt. Phrases like "it's only been a week, weeks or a month" or "you act like we never have sex" are used offensively too often to protect the ego of the person throwing sex aside.

    This is just the beginning of an all too common dishonest approach taken by those who cannot (or lack the ability) to be candid about their feelings toward sex whether they're lacking in desire or something else. Then become defensive when the "we need to talk" discussion is presented, oblivious to their major role in creating the issue by not being honest.

    While love can do many things it's a piss poor excuse for protecting the relationship while ignoring or coercing sexual needs from the person you claim to love so dearly. While sex can be seen as just an intense physical sensation within a relationship, it also acknowledges how we see the other person as attractive, exciting and vital to our lives.

    The responsibility and burden of honesty falls on the one willing to demand the decline of sexual attention and suffer the damage when it infects the love that you haphazardly used to protect the relationship!
     
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    #1
  2. Inedible

    Inedible Sex Machine

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    True. Otherwise it is "just friends", and a good friend wouldn't keep you from having sex with someone else.
     
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    #2
  3. noboat

    noboat Porn Star

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    Terrific
     
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    #3
  4. stan123

    stan123 Porn Star

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    Good point. I think we could make that like a Shakespearean play.
    "To fuck or why not to fuck that is the question."......
    My thoughts are if the victim has to carry the burden of truth then are they a victim of their own accord ?
    Especially so if they have bought into the delusion or deception that there is even an ounce or glimmer of hope that things can return
    to what they once visualized as the ideal, blissful relationship.
    Or should that hope just be vanquished ?
    Because the odds are that the truth is only a perception, a delusion, a deception.
    When the person witholding does not want to face the truth or the reality of the subject.

    I've separated after more than two years of denail, of silent treatment of being ignored, being treated like I dont exist. have not been able
    to have an intellignet conversation with mine for more than two years.
    I suspect two years too long.
     
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  5. John227

    John227 Porn Star

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    To make love or not to make love? That is the question!
    Whether t'is nobler, truer, more honest and more faithful to the heart
    To suffer the slings, arrows, rocks and stones, and words.
    Words wielded like daggers. Words that rend asunder
    The emotional bonds that once held together a beautiful
    Tapestry sewn with the thread of unabashedly passionate sex.
    Or to arm oneself against, and traverse a sea of troubles to,
    The dishonesty, the dismissiveness, the contempt, and by
    Opposing break through the ego, the fear, the facade.
    And thus end the absence, end the ignoring, end the hurt,
    End the blithe casting aside as inconsequential the sex that
    Nourishes, protects, heals, and restores true, complete love.
     
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  6. formerlyRC

    formerlyRC Porn Star

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    I agree @Milo Cronos. Although I have no experience from my own personal life I do have the experiences of friends to call on in this regard. I know that I have mentioned my two good friends before. She started refusing sex and refusing to talk about it which led to him having an affair

    Anyway they are not together anymore but I do remember being shocked at both her and some of her friends attitude which fell in line with how Milo describes it above. Dismissive, like the sexual aspect isnt important in the relationship and worse that somehow she was a blameless saint and he an evil SOB.

    Sure it was wrong of him to seek sex elsewhere but I understand. What I never undestood was her refusing to address their sexual issues after they got back together. Instead of working on things she went the opposite direction in terms of putting out and yea he cheated again

    As far as I know neither of them are having sex now and they dont even have a marriage
     
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    1. Milo Cronos
      I can definitely relate, to clarify though "they got back together" means he was gone for a period of time or they broke up and he returned to the scene of the crime? I'm at that point of laying down that we either seek therapy or separate from her responsibility to me, divorce is not an option raising my granddaughter we've adopted and I won't have her live without a man in the house!
       
      Milo Cronos, Aug 14, 2020
    2. formerlyRC
      @Milo Cronos I am good friends with both of them but him in partcular. He opened up to me on a number of ocassions about her refusals and how hopeless he fealt.

      He had an short affair which ended but which she found out out about after the affair was over.

      They split for a very short time and got back together but noting changed and he found another woman with whom he began a sexual thing with. His wife found out and that was curtains for their marriage

      I think you guys should seek threrapy absolutely
       
      formerlyRC, Aug 15, 2020
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    3. Milo Cronos
      It's in the planning stage, but the hard part is convincing her to participate? She has issues dealing with the reality of our problems as if they are less than I imagine or admitting her role in them openly. Her fear as I can ascertain based on what she has shared is that it will lead to a separation or divorce once it is all subject to daylight. Which I've tried to tell her that if those choices were such an inevitable conclusion they could have been enacted without looking for solutions all this time. IE why would I fix something just to throw it away?
       
      Milo Cronos, Aug 15, 2020
    4. formerlyRC
      I think it stands a better chance of saving rather than wrecking your marriage. I m not saying it will be ever what you want but it might get little closer and reach an acceptable compromise from both your stand points ... Good Luck
       
      formerlyRC, Aug 15, 2020
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    #6
  7. stan123

    stan123 Porn Star

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    I just had some recent thoughts regarding this post.
    Its kind of clear to me that your cheating actually saved your marrige.
    You took action or made some decisions to the big picture, did what you needed to appease yourself and ended up with your relaionship and mutaul elements of
    friendship in tact. Hopefully all emotioanl elements in tact as well.

    As I relate to the devastation and destruction in my own situation where not cheating and her continual denial in essence reults with the two us not liking eachother
    and me ending up rather hating her. The emotional elements and friendship elements have become destroyed in the deception and denial.
    Theres only so long you can love a person, feel for a person or even like a person when all her actions contradict the delusion of not having a problem.

    I knid of visualized an analogy as a boat or a ship.
    Its much like a slowly sinking ship in many ways.
    She denies its sinking you see and know it is taking on water.
    You can either abondon ship because you clearly see it will sink if niehter party wants to plug the leaks and find a repair.
    You can stay on and try to make her see that it indeed is sinking while she will try to concvince you that there is nothing wrong it might slow down the leaks. Repair the leaks together.
    Or if you submit to her delusions you will both drown with the ship if you fail to make her see that it is indeed sinking.
    So in your situation you sort of docked the ship and went on land or boarded some other ships but returned to see
    and convince her that if she continues as she sees in her mind as correct or as nothing wrong will indeed result in her boat sinking.

    Thats the thing with relationships is that they are subjective to personal perception.
    I do like how you view the entire marriage or relaitonship as a living entitiy or a as a
    moving shfitng, ever evolving and continually changing entitiy,
    It does illustrate that what one person thinks is ok based on their incorrect beliefs or perceptions can indeed be devasting on the other person involved.
    It is all a chain or cycle of events in which the results are totally cumulative.
    So any negative actions erode at, wear or eat away at the surface allowing it to punture and take on water.
    Where as positve actions, such as affection, nurtuting or builing the relationship result in a nicer better, stronger resulting product overall.

    @Milo Cronos I'm happy for you that you were able to see through it and make it work for you.
    It is not an easy event or process to go through.
    For many others who try eventually give up when they see no results and they have run out of options available, out of patience or out of love.
     
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    Last edited: Aug 15, 2020
    #7
  8. John227

    John227 Porn Star

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    This is a sex forum and sexual forum. There is a thing called polyamory. Many posters here are polyamorous, and are in or are looking for polyamorous relationships. Even though I strongly believe that the emotional aspects of sex and the physical aspects of sex compliment each other, each alone is much less without the other, it might be sufficient to get a bit of both with different partners. The relationship with one partner could be mostly emotional and slightly physical, while mostly physical and slightly emotional with the other.

    I am speaking hypothetically, not from experience. I hope practicing polyamorists offer their perspectives. Everyone's mileages may vary considerably.
     
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    #8
  9. stan123

    stan123 Porn Star

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    I was sort of tend to be somewhat oblivious to that.
    I know some people are. The majority seem to speak out against it.
    I would be open to and have spoke or commented in favour of it. (I really see the flaw in the expectation of one for life relationships)
    It takes really mature non jealous, open, honest individuals to make it work.
    The underlying friendships and romantic relationships need to be kept nurtured.
    It is a balancing act of keeping primary and secondary relationships in place and perspective.
    Our scope to love is in principle unlimited.
    The bigger challenge is that the expectations of those involved is met while maintaining harmonium in the relationships.

    But like you am green in terms of experience
    and also ask those who do have experience please shed some light on it.
     
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    #9
  10. Sweetpassion

    Sweetpassion Pink gum drops.

    Joined:
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    I suppose that we as humans all have different desires, wants and needs. It's very hard not to simply think of our own. Having much empathy and sorrow for feeling neglected. Everyone has certain cravings. We all can be a bit selfish and think so much about our own needs being met. Instead of really being sympathetic as to your partners issues or what may cause there sex drive to not be as high or sometimes vanish. I know personally when i was dealing with this at it's worst... it was so confusing. Hard to understand that someone could simply not have a sex drive. So you think it is you? Your not good enough or something.

    It's like you go through all these steps. You try communicating. You try pleading and begging. You try getting frustrated or upset. You put in even more effort. You go out of your way to excite them and give them pleasure. You start to feel alot of resentment. You know you love them. You know that they love you. So what is the problem? When it hits the point you decide to step out or leave you might be left with alot of regrets and shame. You might even let emotions get involved if you look for things you desire outside your relationship. Then your just in even worse shape. Almost like it is a punishment for being weak and not faithful. Believe me when i say gaining feelings for someone else when you love your spouse is just pure torture of the worst kind. @Milo Cronos i will say this...you have always been determined to stay in your marriage and make things work out somehow. That is dedication. I think it says alot when you refuse to give up. It's a kind of strength and dedication most do not have now days in relationships. I always say shit may not be perfect but it's my beautiful disaster.
     
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    #10
  11. silkythighs

    silkythighs Porn Star

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    Sex is just sex. A purely physical act. Sex is a part of love. But IMO, love has nothing to do with sex. In other words, having sex and "making love" are two completely different things if you know what I mean.
     
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    1. phxbi_bear80
      Sex is physical, and an important part...but love is about intimacy which sex is a small part of.
       
      phxbi_bear80, Sep 20, 2020
    #11
  12. On the road

    On the road Sex Lover

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    Silky thighs I hate to say this but sex is more then just sex if your with a partner you truely love and loves you back. Yes you can have sex yes it releases tensions and feels great but then there is sex with a loved one and even if you have just shared one another the sex with a loved one out shines the other sex. I was in a sex less relationship for 5 years it sucked big time I would feel hurt when she would not even let me touch her nice boobs or pussy or feel her up in any way in fact pushed me away, we slept in seperate bedrooms and she used her toys to keep her satisified and I am not small I am a bit bigger then average so it was not my size or me it was her but it still hurt to keep getting pushed away so I finally told her to pack her stuff and get out I can find a house keeper to look after my place and at least we both know our places and then I could look for someone new but I did not cheat on her maybe I should have or told her she could stay but with no sex I am going out to find sex either male or female
     
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    #12
  13. silkythighs

    silkythighs Porn Star

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    Yeah that's what I was essentially saying. Sex with someone you share a deeper emotional connection is what we mean by "making love" But sex can also be purely physical without any deeper meaning than just sex.
     
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    1. Milo Cronos
      Strangely (or not) I agree, but I'm very careful as women who I had treated extremely respectfully during our sexual liaisons have misconstrued our relationship a few times?
       
      Milo Cronos, Sep 21, 2020
    #13
  14. Avgbimwm

    Avgbimwm Porno Junky

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    I made a post along these lines and got attacked immediately.
     
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    1. Milo Cronos
      Sorry to hear that, sometimes it's all in the wording which you learn here (over time) what triggers the sensitive ones and the brings out the trolls.
       
      Milo Cronos, Sep 21, 2020
    #14
  15. Milo Cronos

    Milo Cronos The Sexual Intellectual

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    I couldn't agree with you more, where me and the wife differ the most is I've always separated love and lust while she conflates them.
     
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    1. Milo Cronos
      Milo Cronos, Sep 21, 2020
    #15
  16. Avgbimwm

    Avgbimwm Porno Junky

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    I elaborated that lack of sex was a side effect but the same behavior carried out to the rest of our relationship. I get the blanket answer that I need to communicate more. I've literally told her that I feel like my wants and needs don't matter and I feel like a wallet. I've been talking to a lawyer.
     
    #16