Do you remember being sent out of the room while the "adults" talked, if they only knew or included us how much further ahead we could have been when the time came? Here we are the ADULTS with all the freedom we have to discuss the subjects that so many still cringe at or don't understand about themselves and others. Even our language defies the introverts to their own sexual limitations to allow themselves the freedom of being adults.

In school if a boy was called a sissy we called it ostracizing, now an empowering word of endearment to a specific type of man. Slut a degrading term that once was insult, now a banner of sexual liberation still occasionally used improperly by adult adolescents who wish they knew a slut willing to fuck them. Bitch a harsh word until it's added to the dialog of an S&M fantasy for maximum effect!

Through the small mind and out of the mouths of weak individuals and toxic personalities word like pussy, dick and asshole can be leveled as insults? While we use these words with the love and admiration of their beauty in that we love to "eat pussy", "suck a nice dick" and "fuck a tight asshole". Sex has served me a great deal of liberation when I realized that the vast differences that seemingly keep us apart and at odds, are those same attributes that bring us here to share our thoughts, feelings and experiences like adults should!

We're in this together XNXX

 

I strongly disagree that being included in the sex-themed conversations of the adults in our lives when we were young would have better prepared us for 'when the time came'. The state of sexual knowledge in the 60's and 70's (let's say before the HIV/AIDS pandemic) was abysmal. The sheer amount of 'stuff' I (or we) learned in the 80's about sexual orientation, sexual identity, sex practices, sexually transmitted diseases, contraception, etc. dwarfed everything I had learned up to the era. Why? Because the adults of the day (born in the 30's, 40's, and 50's) knew next to nothing about sex and understood nothing about sex. (I heard several adults, overwhelmingly women, state that they first learned about sex after they married.)

I am going to coin a new term - sciencification. I intend that 'word' to mean the transformation of a subject or field of knowledge from one based on 'word of mouth', 'folklore', 'things everybody knows', 'kitchen table talks', etc. to one based on the systematic observation of phenomena, the systematic recording of those observations, the dissemination of those recorded observations in accordance with common standards, and the storing of those recorded observations in a manner that permits the public to easily retrieve any set of observations and learn from them.

To me, HIV really sciencified the study of sex and sexual behavior. I feel that before then, few people knew what they were talking about when it came to sex.

 

I can't say you are right or wrong to be fair your questionably presumptive that most adults didn't have the knowledge available of the day to have a sincere and in depth conversation with their children about sex. A fairly high amount of my learning was my mother's allowance of fully knowing I was educating myself sexually before ever having actively participating in it. All this from a woman who was poorly sexually educated and subject to my father's wandering eye (and prick) that wanted her to participate in swinging/swapping that made her aghast of this idea!

Yet still through some candid conversations with me (her youngest) was not so jaded from my father's behavior that she did not imprint on me the importance of safety, respect, decency and honor to myself and the person I was with despite what she was told and/or had experienced. There were many hippies in my family in the form of cousins much older than I, even my cousin Jeannie who was the first to seduce me began my journey of awareness through offering me the materials that adults read. My family both close and extended had progressive views of homosexuality and the rights of passage into maturity along with their preference of "marriage before the mattress" that wasn't forced upon me.

Remember that I'm here as the person I would become not through (like many) rebellion, but through the support and allowance to pursue the education of sex before diving in head first without knowing the water was there first. This I could imparted on my children despite the decisions they would inevitably make of their own accord without the ability to come back to me and say "you never told me". My wife is a product of the upbringing you speak of and my education made the difference in that balance for the longevity of our relationship and my children's healthy view that did not make them fear varying sexualities or believe so ridiculously that their could be 76 different genders(or whatever it is now)!

I say all this with all the respect deserved of your opinion based on the anecdotal evidence you have personally obtained and may have learned or experienced, but disagree based on my own experience and in how I was given the gift of forming my own conclusions based on my family's structure.

Always a pleasure @John227

 

@Milo Cronos

I spent the last week re-reading your posts and my post. I came to the primary conclusion that I did not express myself adequately in my post. I came to the secondary conclusion that correcting my post would be lengthy and lead your thread away from your intended theme. I will very briefly explain the nature of my inadequate expression and make no correction.

I intended to express the notion that the sexual environment during which a prior generation came of age can differ so much from the sexual environment in which the current generation is coming of age, that a less than thorough and systemic learning of that evolution would make a conversation between the generations about sex somewhat uninformative for the younger generation. I used HIV as an example in my post above. A better example can be the birth control pill. Coming of age in an environment in which the options for effective and easy to use birth control are limited (i.e. the Pill is not available) will yield a different attitude towards sex and sexual behavior than coming of age with more birth control options (i.e. the Pill is available). My attempted point was that discussing how sex was when there was not Pill available for birth control to those who are starting to have sex when the Pill is available for birth control will fall on mostly deaf ears due to weak relevance.

I had in mind a group of adults of the prior generation, consistent with your use of the phrase "while the 'adults' talked". I did not intend to address the relationship aspect of sex (i.e. trust, honesty, fidelity, communication), which can be quite independent of medical technology and sexual knowledge which are more relevant to the physical aspect of sex. I did not intend to address one-on-one personal talks related to sex, as it is the singular, i.e. 'adult'. I did not intend to address the second two paragraphs of your opening post, as interesting and valid as they are.

 

I never had any sex talks with any adult family members. I never asked questions. I knew very little about sex before i became sexually active. Even after i did i never discussed it. I always thought it was a hush subject. I had a sex education class which also really taught me nothing or very little. I just remember everyone feeling embarrassed and everyone making fun of things. I never felt comfortable with speaking on my sexuality with anyone growing up. I just had my experiences to go by and not all of them were good ones. Some were wonderful. Honestly i kinda always felt like sex was something very enjoyable and to most guys was not associated with love or any feelings. Even though i am in touch with my sexuality. I still feel a great amount of shame connected to it. Not a subject i have ever felt can be discussed like (adults) not in the real world. Not in my world.

 

I agree I needed a lot more sex education when I was young, but I'm not sure listening to my parents' casual conversations on the subject would have helped much. But then again, since I never heard those conversations, I can't really know!

Most of what I learned came from my friends being very open about discussing sex, having a TV in my bedroom to watch shows like Real Sex with the sound way down late at night, and having relatively unsupervised access to the early internet. Not just porn, but also how-to articles once I became sexually active - the different ways to bite someone, the different ways to lick someone... I vividly remember reading those tips over 20 years ago, and I still use them now. Hell, I used them last Saturday!

 

My family didn't talk to me about sex. My parents, older siblings, and some other adults sometimes talked about certain aspects of sex within my earshot. My reactions to what I heard were most frequently "How could they possibly know that for sure?" and "That makes absolutely no sense." What passed for teaching me about sex was leaving around a book about sex for me to find. I remember that one day a book titled "Boys and Sex" mysteriously appeared on a shelf in a bookcase in our house. I remember very little from that book, except that I didn't find it very useful. My high school did have a course that had a class or two on sex. It was useless. The teacher, a woman, talked about sex using her and her husband as an example.

I was fortunate enough to be exposed to books written by sex researchers. These were books psychiatrists used to help them treat patients with sexual issues. I was exposed to the Kinsey Report, the Hite report, works by Masters and Johnson, and a myriad of books each with a chapter titled 'Abnormal Sexuality', 'Sexual Abnormalities' or some other variant thereof. I didn't understand most of it at that time. I saw some of the material in those books in the people around me.

[Several authors had a definition of 'sex' that led to the conclusion that an awful lot of 'sex' happens outside the bedroom. Things like how closely a couple sit or stand to each other, how much eye contact they make with each other, how much touching of each other they do such as holding hands, adjusting the partner's hair or clothing, how much they talk with each other, the tone of voice they use with each other - harsh versus pleasant, etc. were considered reflections of what is, or is not, happening in the bedroom.]

As my experience with sex increased, I was able to understand and appreciate more and more of what I read in those books. Some is even helpful understanding Dominant / submissive dynamics.