To add some other information about how 20 years of ups and downs, memories that are burnt into my brain because of how she can get my attention without even talking to me. It is her actions when it comes to knowing what turns me on. She grew sexually since the first year, the best thing I did when we first met was listen to her story.



The key to her soul was listening to what she had to say, and not react but allow all of what she says to sink in then give my brain time to catch up and give a thoughtful response.



A response is done with very little emotion, it allows the person to have a non-bias response with a methodology that allows the response to not be about me or her but the information that was relayed within her story.



This did not happen right away what I just posted actually took 20 years to develop by knowing how to tamper down my emotion no matter the subject when it comes to sexuality, how can a person have very little emotion, when ego and pride drive emotion, serotonin to shape personality at any given time, dopamine that drives a feeling of euphoria, a release of a good feeling.



The first year well, cosmopolitan magazine and certain articles that I read thanks to a female friend who gave me some advice when dating after divorce do not bring up your ex-wife. So, I brought up my ex-wife, not at the very start because I let her tell her story but since I used according to her my cosmopolitan bull shit was cracking under not knowing what to say or do past the initial representative of who we were not. Time was going to eventually see through my image that was not who I was nor have developed today but it is funny to think my ego believed this process was going to be long term.



Now here are some cool sexual acts she would do take a shower and we lived in a small house that was old, so, it was easy to hear her in the shower. I loved to hear get off in the shower, at the time I never asked any questions or acknowledged what I heard her do. Why, just as Joey and Chandler did not turn off free porn or change the channel afraid it would stop a great episode of “Friends”. My thought process was the same if I asked or commented it might stop because of embarrassment or acknowledging then commenting of her orgasm. Do not know if it would have changed because I did not interrupt the process, I just enjoyed those moments of unbridled lust and pure sexual energy of how she would get herself off by the shower head.



Years later she told me out of the blue she did that for me, she knew I was listening to her and getting myself off to what I was hearing and thinking of acts we have done together or scenarios that I would encourage her to do but she at the time was not willing to do but she was flattered and most of the time she would blush, but I never brought any of what was going on in my mind simultaneous to what was on her mind until she brought the subject up like I said years later.



Imaging her being with a stranger, that she brought into the house because I was asleep, and they were in the bathroom, she is not a cheat so, this in her mindset was not going to happen because it was a moral issue, however, explaining this fantasy I encouraged her to do this because I was cool with her bringing in a stranger or whatever she was open and comfortable doing., Just talking about this subject made me as hard as hard could be.



When we rolled clouds of course I was like a high school boy that could have a boner and have sex as many times as would be humanly possible, and this relaxed her to at least have conversations about this without offending her moral character.



I am not a cheat either, in fact I am very spiritual as she is as well, and a being greater than myself knows what is in my heart, we live on earth in which materialistic possessions and everything technological happens instantaneous we have grown to condition ourselves to have expectations of this, so sin is what this earth is made up of, however, society drives identity about how girls should look about what is moral, what is acceptable and what is not as a few examples.



So, am I a hypocrite?



People can believe or judge what they want it bothers me none, for example people are a pain in the ass including me, the sin of one explains the sin of all that leaves us all no better or no worse than anyone else, and that is why I do not concern what others may think they will think what they want not going to change hearts and minds, because existence of a being greater than I knows my journey and for whatever reason well... here we both are.



Now pure lust, pure sexual being she has become. I also imagine since when we lived in that small house playing Texas Holdem on line was done in the other bedroom and putting in at least 12 hours a day most of the time during my experience phase I slept in that bedroom often as not to disturb her and I snored so that was worse than being in the other bedroom.



So, when we rolled clouds, watching porn and talking about any subject was part of the experience, often we stayed together in one room had great sex because she can take her ankles and put them up by her ears, she is very flexible and has helped me just as much as I have helped her when being intimate.



She is very vocal and when she cums the neighbors must hear the moans and the screams not because I am inducing this because of what I do, it is how comfortable we both have become and she is engaged in the moment just as I have become with her we have many dances that take working together when she moves her hips or whatever the position I know how she is going to thrust and grind, I have to be present with her to know and anticipate her movements and she will unleash her lust and become expressive by being vocal.



I add my stories about what I would like her to do and she will play along this takes sex to a whole another level, when I say to her in a dirty act of pleasure, I state to her would you love to have 2 black men DPing you right now, or I will add one random person that we may know or not know instead of the two black men.



It drives her wild, and she then starts adding in her most intimate thoughts about what I am saying in the moment and well.... we both become over stimulated with pure lust and passion.



I will add this last part to part one, when she would want to take her laptop after we stopped rolling clouds into our main bedroom, majority of the time I was either watching t.v. or watching porn, perhaps playing poker online, and she is a guy's gal, she was cool with us being apart after our escapades of role playing.

She would then eventually find herself very horney again and get off for me because she knew I was listening to her have many orgasm's and it drove me wild and I would listen and imagine and add scenarios to our dirty role playing. To be continued in part two if people enjoyed my writing?

 

I can relate to your gf.

 

So here I am, the one in which he speaks...LOL I'm a lil' scared to expose the dirty lil' freak that I am, but I do appreciate, to some extent, the light in which he expresses me. I'll admit that the more I live in the moment the more my conditioned morals and other's labels of who I'm supposed to be get in the way. I'm learning that our lives are precious, and if we don't experience them to the fullest we are not doing the blessing that has been given to us justice.