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  1. Zz103zzz

    Zz103zzz Sex Lover

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2019
    Messages:
    163
    Do so many people merry others who will not do the things they want to try or do. Before the wife and I decided to, we had a serious mature discussion about sex. We both enjoy kink and threesomes. I would not have married someone who was not wired the same way I am.
     
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    1. Heiauoku
      In talking, remember fantasy vs reality. If she comes home with a suction cup dildo, cock sleeves and a strapon, she may want BBC or someone larger than you to hit her spots. So she may want fantasy sex and not the real thing.
       
      Heiauoku, Sep 21, 2020
    #1
  2. JennyS93

    JennyS93 Sex Machine

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2018
    Messages:
    619
    Most of the times someone is bitching about their spouse not doing something, it's because they used to do it.
     
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    1. NCfan
      Yes, right there. It's the change in attitude towards some things that is the issue.
       
      NCfan, Sep 20, 2020
    #2
  3. havenfun

    havenfun Sex Lover

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2013
    Messages:
    141
    I enjoy sex as much as the next guy, maybe more. So trust me when I say that sex alone does not a marriage make.
    If your marriage is based on sex alone it has about as much chance of standing the test of time as a paper hat in a hurricane.
     
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    1. StrawberryCupcake
      Can I get an amen?!⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
       
      StrawberryCupcake, Sep 20, 2020
      Sweetpassion, stan123, Jonme and 2 others like this.
    2. writerz01
      Amen and you betcha
       
      writerz01, Sep 20, 2020
    3. stan123
      Much agreed Amen !
       
      stan123, Sep 20, 2020
    #3
  4. StrawberryCupcake

    StrawberryCupcake ⭐️Cheese Tease⭐️

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2018
    Messages:
    42,417
    I think the real problem with most marriages is the lack of communication and honesty.
     
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    1. writerz01
      Unfortunately there are many people who just shouldn't be married, male and female. For some reason they don't realize compromise is a necessity.
       
      writerz01, Sep 20, 2020
      stan123 and StrawberryCupcake like this.
    2. stan123
      The thing is that most elements of sex and marriage are fluid or dynamic.
      Things change, interests change, people change. They both have to move and keep up with the flow.
      Remaining the same or becoming selfish and less considerate or accomadting plus not wanting to talk about spells disaster at least if left that way for the long term.
       
      stan123, Sep 20, 2020
      StrawberryCupcake likes this.
    3. StrawberryCupcake
      True but if you’re both consistently communicating and honest with each other, it’s less likely to become an issue.
       
      StrawberryCupcake, Sep 21, 2020
      stan123 and Heiauoku like this.
    #4
  5. neddy3511

    neddy3511 Porn Star

    Joined:
    Apr 1, 2014
    Messages:
    10,662
    If you didn’t have problems it wouldn’t be a marriage
     
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    1. stan123
      I dis agree that it should be a problem but for some reason it seems to turn out that way LOL.
       
      stan123, Sep 20, 2020
    #5
  6. neddy3511

    neddy3511 Porn Star

    Joined:
    Apr 1, 2014
    Messages:
    10,662
    I’m bad because she doesn’t know I’m on here but we still have to have our little secret
     
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    1. StrawberryCupcake
      I can’t agree with that but it’s your marriage, not mine.
       
      StrawberryCupcake, Sep 20, 2020
      stan123, John227, Zz103zzz and 3 others like this.
    #6
  7. neddy3511

    neddy3511 Porn Star

    Joined:
    Apr 1, 2014
    Messages:
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    And why ,because I can’t help myself
     
    #7
  8. neddy3511

    neddy3511 Porn Star

    Joined:
    Apr 1, 2014
    Messages:
    10,662
    All true just human
     
    #8
  9. havenfun

    havenfun Sex Lover

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2013
    Messages:
    141
    We've been married 51 years . Got married at 18. At that time sex was simple . We just did it a lot (LOL).
    We've done a lot of stuff over the years . Some things we shouldn't have and some things we regretted. We were always honest with each other and always together.
     
    • Like Like x 6
    #9
  10. Cherrypop

    Cherrypop Wicked Kitten

    Joined:
    May 29, 2019
    Messages:
    47,668
    Some people don’t think sex is important in a marriage and they think even if it’s not great, they can get by and just focus on other things. But they’re wrong. If one person isn’t happy or satisfied, it leads to resentment, depression, and anger, as well as feelings of inadequacy and low self esteem. Lack of sex or bad sex will undermine a marriage even if everything else is fine. Because sex isn’t just about orgasms. It’s about intimacy and closeness and bonding, and if one person feels they’re being rejected or neglected, they’ll either leave or look elsewhere. So that’s why people who don’t figure out what they want sexually before they get married are usually headed for trouble.
     
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    1. Jonme
      The one you missed out of your list of reactions - was frustration.
      Every healthy human been has a need for their 'natural needs' to be satisfied.
      And I've been surprised how many man forget that this applies to their women as well as themselves.
       
      Jonme, Sep 20, 2020
      Cherrypop likes this.
    2. John227
      @Cherrypop I think, in a prior post, you wrote that your age is 35 years. This post reveals a level of intelligence, maturity, and insight that is usually associated with a person with decades more life than 35 years. I am very impressed.
       
      John227, Sep 20, 2020
      Cherrypop likes this.
    3. Cherrypop
      Aw thank you. I’m speaking from experience, which makes me seem wise when really I’m just stupid lol
       
      Cherrypop, Sep 20, 2020
      writerz01 and John227 like this.
    4. John227
      Cherrypop said: "I’m speaking from experience, ... "

      Uh oh. That must be some kind of experience to 'enwisen' you so much. I hope it wasn't the 'hard knocks' kind of experience.
       
      John227, Sep 20, 2020
    5. jhnthis
      For sure! " Because sex isn’t just about orgasms. It’s about intimacy and closeness and bonding, and if one person feels they’re being rejected or neglected, they’ll either leave or look elsewhere." You left out how people change over time.
       
      jhnthis, Sep 21, 2020
      Cherrypop likes this.
    #10
  11. formerlyRC

    formerlyRC Porn Star

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2019
    Messages:
    9,617
    I think one of the issues is that what peoples wants changes over time.

    A tone of hot 'straight sex' might seem like you have found the perfect person, you love each other, you like similar stuff out side the bedroom, what is there to discuss.

    Then kids and work and work worries start to mess things up. Perhaps you start thinking that perhaps anal sex is something you have always been curious about but never tried and your wife says no. Perhaps she starts to go off the idea of going down on you as regularly as she once did or the frequency in which you are jumping in to bed starts to decrease.

    I think communication is important but I also think couples wants and desires change over time and that is something which cannot be predicted.
     
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    1. Sweetpassion
      Well said. I agree!! People change and so does desires, fantasies and many others things. But both people in a relationship doesn't always grow sexually together or change desires together. Then you add in life issues, children, possible health issues and it really can change many dynamics.
       
      Sweetpassion, Sep 20, 2020
      jhnthis, Heiauoku, formerlyRC and 4 others like this.
    2. formerlyRC
      100% agreed.
       
      formerlyRC, Sep 21, 2020
    3. jhnthis
      You nailed it! And when one party is trying to communicate about it and the other party answers questions with, "I don't know" or "nothings wrong" it gets to where you not only feel rejected but like you're being lied to.
       
      jhnthis, Sep 21, 2020
    #11
  12. GeekBoy28

    GeekBoy28 Porn Star

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2009
    Messages:
    1,450
    Before we got married my wife & I had probably had sex a couple thousand times. We had discussed some things we would like to try and she knew that I had only ever received a blow job from one person, and that was a guy when I was in high school. She kept promising me that she would do that for me later, but every time I brought it up, “it made her so horny she needed my cock in her cunt” and what guy is going to turn down giving a girl letting him fill her pussy with his cum? It wasn’t until 15-20 years into our marriage before she finally admitted that she would never suck my cock for me, rather than just putting it off and saying she would later, but not now... I never gave up hope, but had realized that it wasn’t likely to ever happen many years ago, but having her finally admit it was a little disappointing.

    There were other things that we hadn’t tried during the 3 years we had sex before we got married that she had said she was open to possibly doing them in the future, but not at that time. Some fo those she did do, others, she later said that she didn’t think she could do them. Probably the hardest on me was that after 3 years of “college sex” having sex in all sorts of weird places (some full public, but no one else around, some semi-public, etc.) several years into the marriage, she decided that she didn’t want sex anywhere except in our bed at home. She didn’t even want “hotel sex” because she would get embarrassed because she was “too loud”.

    We’re still together after 32 years of marriage, but at times I wonder...
     
    • Empathize Empathize x 3
    #13
  13. stan123

    stan123 Porn Star

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2017
    Messages:
    5,678
    Those who are into group sex or threesome or something like that I would think have to talk about it in the bgining or forever hold your silence LOL.

    I think some people are embareassed of their kinks or perhaps assume they can gradually intorduce them. Just speculating but eihter way
    it simply makes maost sense to discuss it early on in order to find someone they are best compatible with.

    But I feel most marraiges have other factors that affect their feeling towards their spouse and resultant lack of interst with diminishing variety or open
    ness to ideas occurrs. This reslts in the end or failure.
    Once you lose that desire for any lenght of time I personally feel spells an irreversible end.
     
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    #14
  14. NCfan

    NCfan Porn Star

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2020
    Messages:
    8,636
    A lot of good points here. I can only go by experience, but I'm seeing a lot here that I can relate to.

    You're young, maybe a guy without a lot of experience. You meet a cute young lady your age and hit it off. Then the sex begins and holy shit, someone ifs fucking me. And you're young and don't have places of your own so there's the excitement of BJs in cars, hurried sex before you get caught by her family coming home, etc, etc, etc. And really there's nothing much kinky, but you get to play with her big boobs and all is good.

    Then maybe there are hints, but you don't know enough to react to them. After a few years of marriage. Frequency goes down. Wives don't give BJs. Well maybe really, but just a little. Then Anything else becomes a reason not to have sex. So one partner's sex drive plummets, but the other's doesn't. What wasn't a problem 10 years ago is now an issue. Kids come along. Mom's don't do certain things, and now she uses the excuse of having kids for not wanting you playing with her now really big boobs or her pussy. Just get it over with quick in the dark. And then the Frustration word comes in. You talk about it and she says she understands and things are a little better for awhile, but, kids and work and the dishes, laundry, my chores, everything comes first. By now I'd settle for a hand job. I'm masturbating more than I did as a teen. And maybe that BJ I got on the side from someone we know was a bit of excitement. But somehow she can tell something happened. And suspects more. Now she
    has a reason. And on it goes. Is divorce and option? Yes of course. But that's not me. It's the kids. I don't want to call other peoples life decisions into question but for ME, I don't abandon my kids. I'll take the hit so they have a father at home every night, helping with homework, taking them to their sports and other events.

    And now the kids are out of the house, and successful I'm happy to say. And we've settled into our new normal. No sex. It's her body, her choice. I'm old enough now that the drive isn't as strong so I get by.

    That's life.
     
    • Empathize Empathize x 2
    1. formerlyRC
      I wrote about some friends of mine who seemed pretty much like you describe. They were married, all seemed good and slowly she stopped wanting to be intimate and sex ebbed away. There was always a good excuse on hand and that was the point, there was always a good excuse to hand.

      So he had an affair

      Point was the sex was absolutely fine at the begining of their relationship
       
      formerlyRC, Sep 21, 2020
      Sweetpassion likes this.
    2. Sweetpassion
      Most the time it starts out amazing. You can't even keep your hands off each other. I mean that's what makes you fall so hard along with other good qualities. Everything about a relationship can change over time. Not that people can see that happening in the future. It can happen. Not something one would hope for. Going in to it you want all wonderful things to continue.
       
      Sweetpassion, Sep 21, 2020
      Cumthirstymwm likes this.
    #15
  15. TommyGspot

    TommyGspot Porn Star

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2018
    Messages:
    3,661
    You grow apart and things change; nothing stays static.

    if you don’t work at it - like anything else;
     
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    #16