So I'm standing in line at the bank and I ask the woman in front of me " can I smell your pussy ". She replied " N". So I say then it must be your feet.

 

"The executioner has the proper tool" said Tom, with a heavy accent.

 

Cats have 9 lives. It makes them ideal for experimentation.

 

If pigs really could fly, I bet their wings would taste delicious!

 

This guy calls the fire department he says gentleman come quick my house is on fire they said how do we get there? The dude responds y'all still got that big red truck.... Makes me laugh every time

 

Neutering your pets makes them less nuts.

 

A dung beetle walks into a bar, "Is this stool taken?"

 

Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver.

 

A hunter comes to a local bar in a search for a pathfinder to hunt a bear . There is no need to say that hunter is an Amer and country is Russia. Only one agrees to go with him cause it is very dangerous. So they are in the dense forest crawling in silence. And suddenly they meet a big bear right behind a courner, they freeze not able to move. And after a moment a pathfinder wisper -- come here, no answer, he wisper again--- come here- ,,, again no answer. He wispers third time little louder -fuck come here. A hunter from behind him wisper back to him - why the fuck you call him.

 

I have a dog called minton and he keeps stealing my shuttlecock... Bad minton

 

I read an article that said there is a law that I'd it's raining in Sweden, you have to turn your car's headlights on. The problem is that I live in Canada and when I'm driving, I have no way to know whether it's raining in Sweden or not.